


homegoing

by mylomanya



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: & is for platonic, Angst, Canon Divergence, Fear of Heights, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Unrequited Love, blue actually has his life together, blue comes home, blue’s POV, building up till it crashes down, except when it comes to red, its just me skimming thru on ao3 mobile, just a lil bit tho, just a lil bit tho its like after canon, light beta, sort of asshole!red, then he’s a mess, trigger warning: panic attacks, trust me this fic is sad, very one sided, we stan blue&leaf friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25584817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylomanya/pseuds/mylomanya
Summary: It took a long time, but Blue is finally comfortable. With his life. With himself.Living in Kalos couldn’t be better, but he won’t deny he misses quaint life in Kanto. He’s willing to cope, because living life abroad only makes his homecoming that much sweeter.(He won't admit it, but he's thankful that the longer he stays in Kalos, the less he has to get in a plane.)Yes, Blue’s life was going well. Great, some would say. It was absolutely fantastic.Who knew all of it could come crashing down in a single moment.
Relationships: Leaf & Ookido Green | Blue Oak, Ookido Green | Blue Oak/Red
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55





	1. call

**Author's Note:**

> i have this fic planned out to be like 6 chapters but i have 2 finished and thought i should upload them :)
> 
> these first two are not an accurate representation of this fic, this is a sad fic and i will not be sorry in the least :)))
> 
> also also sorry if anything’s ooc im tryin my best ;W;
> 
> also also also i am my own beta and if you find any typos congrats!! you found what i could not :)

Lumiose City.

A bright, bustling hub at the center of Kalos— filled with the moods and emotions of people with a purpose. Its skyline was soft against the backdrop of the brilliant Kalos sky during the day, buzzing with the energy of thousands of workers flitting about streets and avenues to their eventual destination, and alive with light and color at night as that energy spilled over into the city’s prominent night life scene.

Good food, good atmosphere, good weather... it was beautiful. _Perfect_ , almost.

Those were some of Blue’s first thoughts the moment he stepped foot in the city, a no one among the massive population of the city compared to the quiet, cozier scene of Kanto. Hers, in Kalos, the world seemed alive with the energy of people and Pokemon alike; no matter how many times Blue had exited the Lumiose International Aiport and stepped into the crowds of Lumiose City, he’d always notice the ecstatic hum that seemed to settle in the hearts of each of its inhabitants.

Blue hadn’t lived there permanently the first time he’d visited, oh no; the first time had simply been a “get to know you” between himself and all of Kalos. From the beautiful, rocky coast of Cyllage to the quiet, calming forests of Laverre, Blue had seen it all and immediately fallen in love. Kalos was so much more diverse in terms of scenery and culture than Kanto that Blue had been immediately consumed by it all, his own mind buzzing with the frenzy of Lumiose as each Kalos route he took led him back to the hub at its center.

He still didn’t live there permamnently, not really; sure, he did own an apartment in the city (nothing luxurious; it wasn’t like he actually lived there anyways) that he stayed in from time to time whenever he visited, but he always found himself traveling back to Kanto at some point in time.

And Blue couldn’t deny that some part of him longed to stay in Kanto; a part of him felt like it belonged there and nowhere else.

Yes, it was a conversation he’d had with himself many times; he knew exactly why a part of him felt that way, and he also knew that the reason he’d been spending so much time in Kalos was to try and squash that little kernal of longing until it never rebounded.

* * *

“Hello?”

“... _Blue? Oh my gosh, it’s been so long since you’ve called!_ ”

Blue sat, alone in his small apartment, looking out over the bright lights of Lumiose City; he hadn’t even begun to imagine how he managed to find such a great view for such a low price.

“Yeah, it uh, it really has, hasn’t it?”

“... _Are you calling because you’re coming back soon?_ ”

A smile graced the young man’s lips as he leaned back in his chair; an old recliner that had definitely seen better days, but it did the job whenever Blue felt like relaxing a little.

“You know how to read me like an open book, Daisy,” Blue exhaled, closing his eyes as he began to reminisce. He hadn’t seen or spoken to his older sister in so long; it felt good to hear her voice again, light and bubbly in a way he always remembered. Even now, her voice, marked with the obvious signs of aging, still sounded as light and fluffy as it had when Blue was young.

“ _Well, it’s you’re fault for being so easy to read,_ ” Daisy chastised him playfully from the other end of the line; if it had been anyone else, Blue might have taken offense, but he could never be mad at Daisy. “ _You always call me before you fly out._ ”

“I guess I do do that, don’t I,” Blue exhaled with a laugh, his gaze suddenly darting to a sudden movement from across the room. His eyes softened as Eevee bounded over, her tail fluffed up and her eyes sparkling as she looked up at Blue. “You feel like saying hi to someone?”

Daisy gasped on the other end as Blue held the phone next to Eevee; light confusion sprinkled across her face before Daisy’s voice trickled through the phone, higher pitched and full of adoration. Eevee’s eyes widened as a trill of excitement escaped her mouth, pawing at the device as Daisy continued her cooing.

Blue watched the scene with a full heart; it pained him to be away from his sister, but it was moments like these that kept his homesickness at bay. Daisy was just a phone call away, always personable and eager to speak to her little brother.

Blue pulled the phone away from Eevee, who frowned slightly before jumping up into Blue’s lap, settling there with a wide yawn. Blue shook his head at the small creature; in their time away from Kanto, Eevee had become something of a spoiled brat (and Blue didn’t mind one bit).

“ _So,_ ” Daisy said as Blue pulled the phone back to his ear, “ _when are you flying out? You always call but I don’t actually know you arrive until a frantic Leaf calls and says you flew in and need a ride._ ”

Blue gave a short laugh disguised as a cough; he never intended to inconvenience Leaf, really, it just happened to be a matter of circumstance. She _did_ live in Cerulean City, after all, and just so happened to be the closest to the Saffron International Airport.

“I’m flying back in a couple days, actually,” Blue admitted, turning his gaze back to the Lumiose city night life. “It’ll be good to get back, it’s been... what? A year?”

Daisy chuckled on the other end. “ _Almost two, Blue._ ”

“Wow,” he exhaled, shaking his head; had it really almost been two years since his last visit? He hadn’t even known. He was becoming more and more of a Lumiose native the longer he stayed. “Well, in any case, that’s even more of a reason to get back.”

Daisy gave a content sigh on the other end, followed by a beat of silence.

“... _We all miss you, Blue. We really can’t wait to see you._ ”

Blue smiled to himself; he knew Daisy’s words were genuine. Gone were the times of doubting her kind words, which always spoke of the genuine concern his friends and family had for him. It had taken a while, but he’d finally managed to climb to a place where he didn’t need to doubt those around him

However, out of curiosity, and from the way that infinitesimal portion of him filled with _something_ leapt into his throat, Blue asked the question he always did whenever he called his sister.

“Is he...?”

He never had to finish the question. Everyone knew who _he_ was; in fact, it was quite improbable that someone didn’t know.

Daisy sighed, and Blue could almost see her shaking her head in dismay.

“ _No... he was actually down from that mountain of his last month, stayed in Pallet with his mom for a week. It was good to see him, like always, but he was gone as quickly as he came..._ ” Daisy’s tone shifted in hurried anticipation as she asked, “ _Are you going to go see him?_ ”

For once, Blue was actually conflicted on the topic of _him_. There had been a time in his life when that answer would’ve always been an unwavering “yes,” during a time when he couldn’t imagine visiting Kanto without visiting _him_. But now, saddled with the full weight of his studies in Kalos, alongside the incessant emails and calls from _Lance_ he received due to his absence from the Viridian Gym, taking a couple days out of his visit (no matter how long it was) to scale that accursed mountain by his house just sounded... tiring.

“Honestly,” he began slowly, “I’m not sure. I always go when I visit, so I’m sure I’ll go up there at some point, but... not when I first arrive. I can’t just take a 12 hour flight with the jet lag and then scale that thing _right_ after landing. Maybe once I could but... I’m older. We’re older. I’m... not like I used to be.”

Daisy was quiet on the other end, but Blue swore he could hear the gears turning.

“ _Okay, Blue,_ ” she said softly, a sigh at the tip of her lips, “ _I get it. Mount Silver is tall, and it does take a while, and I trust you when you say you’ll go up there eventually... don’t pretend you aren’t going to avoid him, because you and I both know—_ “

Curse his sister’s ability to read him like the pamphlet he was.

“No, Daisy, I’m not ignoring _him,_ ” he assured her ~~even if it probably wasn’t true,~~ quickly cutting her off before she could continue that train of thought. It was something he only discussed with his sister, and no one else; he hadn’t even been able to have the conversation with that little piece of forlorn desire until a couple of years ago. “Trust me. I’m... I’m not going to run away like I did.”

Diasy seemed satisfied with that answer, at least, because her next words were laced with her usual enthusiasm. “ _Okay, Blue, I trust you. I just don’t want to see you beat yourself up over it any more than you already have.”_ Then, _“I can’t wait to see you again! It’s been so long, everyone will be so glad._ ”

Blue smiled into the receiver, releasing a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. Or maybe he had known, subconsciously, he wasn’t sure. Whenever he discussed _him_ with his sister his chest would tighten and he would feel compressed on all sides; it was a suffocating feeling that he was used to tuning out.

“I know, Dais, I can’t wait to see everyone either.” He looked down at Eevee, snoozing peacefully in his lap. “And I’m sure a _certain someone_ can’t wait to see everyone either.”

Daisy gave another delighted gasp from the other end, squealing to herself at the mention of Eevee; it was no secret that she doted on the small Pokémon to anyone, and Blue was always happy to show Eevee off— especially with her recently developed diva attitude.

Daisy and Blue bid their goodbyes to each other, Blue secretly wondering if he’d interrupted Daisy at all due to the time difference. It was late in Kalos, so maybe he’d really been the one interrupted.

Ah well. Best not to dwell on it

“C’mon, ’Vee, let’s get to bed,” Blue said quietly, his hands moving to either side of the fluffy creature, picking her up and flipping her over. She squirmed in his grasp until she was settled into the crook of his arm like a content baby; Blue really had spoiled her rotten. But it didn’t matter, because he loved Eevee. She’d been with him through thick and thin, so he didn’t mine sprinkling her with extra affection whenever he could.

(He’d never admit that “ _sprinkling_ ” had turned into full on “ _submerging_ ” whenever he migrated to Kalos.)

He flicked on the light to his bedroom, glancing at the small bed he had nestled in the corner. Setting Eevee down on the bed, wrapped up in various blankets and surrounded by pillows, he moved to the adjacent bathroom to begin his bedtime routine.

It was during this time that Blue really took a good look at himself in the mirror.

He wasn’t tall, not that he minded; his hair, honey toned, spiked forwards with the help of heapings of hairgel (and sort of fluffed like down whenever they were left to dry on their own, like now); his eyes, shades darker than his hair, still burned with the same intensity they had when he was a fledgling trainer. He was thin, maybe a little too thin, but he always chalked it up to being overwhelmed with work instead of training with his Pokémon.

He spat the remnants of the toothpaste in his mouth into the sink, letting the water run as he stared into the drain.

He was going back to Kanto in a few days, and he couldn’t wait.

Everything was fully booked, and he couldn’t wait to see his friends and family again.

So... why did he feel so... insecure?

It’s because of _him_ , like it always is.

He sighed and grimaced to himself; now wasn’t the time to be thinking about _him_. In fact, there was never a time to think about _him_ ; it was never a good idea and it never prooved to be of any benefit.

But... if Blue was feelings rather generous (and be was, given that he’d just called his sister, and he was going back home in a couple of days), he would allow his mind to wander ever so slightly... to thoughts of _him_.

The first thing Blue always thought of was his eyes.

He moved out of the bathroom, simultaneously wanting to derail that train of thought and let it continue on its merry way, chugging along with each defining features of him.

_His eyes._

_His hair._

_His face._

_That cap_ that seemed to follow _him_ wherever _he_ went, no matter the time or place—

Blue pulled the covers back on his bed.

He knew where this train of thought would get him, and it wouldn’t be good. He’d been dealing with these feelings for years now, and if there was one thing he knew not to do, it was give in to a fantasy that could ruin his life.

 _Oh, but imagine,_ a little voice in the back of his head crooned, _imagine what it would be like, to be with him, like you want, you know you remember Alola, how did he even manage to look that good in jeans and a tee—_

“ _Enough_ ,” Blue grumbled to himself, ignoring the way Eevee’s head perked up from her spot at his feet. Blue sighed, shaking off those thoughts; they wouldn’t be getting him anywhere, like usual.

It didn’t make sense to dwell on what could never be.


	2. landing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blue and leaf have big sibling energy in this fic

Blue Oak was afraid of heights.

Like many things, it wasn’t something he’d admit to anyone besides himself. He wasn’t sure when he developed such a fear, but he often suspected part of it had to do with his first couple trips up Mount Silver—

“ _Hello everyone, this is your flight attendant speaking,_ ” Blue’s eyes flicked open, zapping him from his fear-induced stupor; his hand reflexively shifted towards his belt. Upon feeling the smooth plastic of the Pokéballs nestled there, his shoulders relaxed, and he turned his head upwards to ignore the oncoming bout of nausea.

“ _We will begin our descent to Saffron International Aiport shortly, local arrival time 6:46 with a weather forecast of shattered showers._ ” Blue focused intently on the flight attendant’s voice; feminine but husky, no doubt belonging an older woman. “ _Thank you for flying with Kalos Skies..._ ”

Blue’s mind slowly tuned out the voice of the flight attendant, turning his gaze to the small lump of fur currently nestled in his lap. It wasn’t uncoming for individuals with smaller Pokémon to release them during flights, but seeing as they were descending, it was impertinent that the pampered ball of fluff snoozing peacefully was returned to her Pokéball as soon as possible.

“C’mon, ’Vee,” Blue cajoled lightly, patting the sleeping Eevee with his hand, “You know how it goes, it’s time to return.”

Eevee gave an irritated mewl before submitting and returning to her Pokéball, a light pulse of red from the object signalling her discomfort.

 _Drama queen,_ Blue thought to himself, rolling his eyes as he settled in for the rest of the ride.

* * *

Leaf was not an obvious individual by any means.

Long dark hair, light skin... she was a pretty standard representation of a stereotypical Kantonian young woman, save for her bright, leaf green eyes.

What was _not_ stereotypical was Leaf’s obnoxiously loud voice, which carried through the crowded terminal and slammed into Blue with the force of a train.

At least she made finding her easier, Blue reasoned. He didn’t want to be stuck in this muddy terminal one minute longer, so he gladly followed Leaf in all her loudmouthed glory.

“I swear,” she lectured Blue on the way to her car, not bothering to help him with any of his bags and only sparing a passing glance at Eevee as she hopped onto Blue’s shoulder, “one of these says I’m just going to completely blow you off, and _then_ where will you be? Stranded at SIA with your bags and your Pokémon. ‘ _Oh Leaf, I’m so sorry, you were right all along, I should call before I land like any reasonable person instead of showing up out of nowhere to ruin your day!_ ’”

Blue rolled his eyes at her impression of him, a small smile gracing his lips; he’d missed her bright and flamboyant attitude, the way she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, the way each sentence struck like a punch to the gut.

 _Classic Leaf_ , he thought to himself.

“Oh, lighten up,” he chortled, “you and I both know that you didn’t have any plans for today, so I didn’t ruin anything.”

Leaf spun on her heels, hands on her hips as she blocked Blue’s luggage cart with her whole body. Three Pokéballs dangled off of her thin hips, but Blue’s eyes were trained on the exaggerated pout plastered to his companion’s face.

“Yeah, but what if I _did_ have plans?” Leaf’s retort caused Blue to dramatically roll his eyes and shake his head. “You would’ve ruined them, and _then_ what?”

“Leaf, we’re talking in hypotheticals—“

“ _And hypothetically_ , you could’ve ruined my day.” Leaf shrugged to herself. “You’re just lucky you didn’t.” Despite the harsh nature of her words, a wide smile spread across Leaf’s face, a glint in her emerald colored eyes.

“It’s good to be back, Leaf,” Blue mused, unable to help himself from Leaf’s contagious smile, “as exhausting as you are, I missed you.”

Leaf’s face twisted up in complacence, her figure straightening as she took in Blue’s words.

“You _missed me_ , huh?”

“Yeah, now let’s go before you remind how nice and quiet Kalos was.”

* * *

“So,” Leaf’s voice was light as she formed her words around her stuffed mouth, “are you gonna—“

“ _No_.”

He already knew what he was going to say, and even if he’d made promises to Daisy a couple days ago, his in-flight fear made sure that he’d rethink every decision until it ended in a resounding “no.”

Blue and Leaf had ended up back at her apartment in Cerulean City, overlooking the river adjacent, the entrance of Cerulean Cave peeking over the horizon. Since the drive back to Pallet would take a good couple of hours (like hell Blue was going to use Pigeot to fly him, Leaf, _and_ his luggage back home), the two decided to crash at Leaf’s place for the night instead of staying up to make the drive.

Blue had anticipated this confrontation; every time he visited, everyone he had ever had the pleasure of meeting in his life asked him variations of the same damn question.

Leaf’s eyes widened and she slammed her palms on the table, startling an exhausted Eevee from her place in Blue’s lap. Blue glanced at Leaf’s half eaten dinner as it slid ever so slightly from the magnitude of her outburst.

“You’re _actually_ kidding, oh my god,” Leaf huffed, rolling her eyes. “You’re actually kidding, joke’s up, _now cut it out before I actually lose my shit._ ”

Blue shook his head. “No, I’m not kidding.” He took a moment to take a bite of the admittedly delicious take out Leaf had managed to nab from the store on the corner, before continuing, “I am old, my Pokémon are old, there is no way I am suffering another climb up that damn mountain only for it to... go nowhere.”

Leaf was silent, her eyes still wide.

“... Okay, first of all you sound like my dad. Just because you’re _old_ doesn’t mean you can’t do things like climb a mountain.” Her eyes remained wide as she tentatively proceeded, “... Blue, do you still—“

“How could I not?”

Blue’s wry tone and bittersweet smile were obvious; he hadn’t even tried to hide it. It seemed everyone but the man in question knew about Blue’s admittedly super obvious crush. He’d stopped trying to hide it when Daisy found out, and was actually surprised to find that Leaf of all people expected him to move on so fast.

Blue pressed his lips into a line. “Look, Leaf, it’s not something I want to get into right now. All I’m saying is, I’m not going back up that mountain any time soon.” He closed his eyes, relishing in Leaf’s silence; it was only when he turned to look back at her that he noticed the complete incredulity her face held.

“I told you, I’m not going back up that mountain!”

“ _Yes you are!_ ” Leaf crowed, pointing a finger at him. Her brows were knit with confusion and a hint of anger, maybe a little desperation thrown into the mix as well; Blue rolled his eyes, leaning back in the chair he sat in as she continued, “Look. _Listen_. Here’s a compromise. I’ll go up that mountain with you. I haven’t seen Red in a long time either—“

“— He was literally down the mountain _last month_ and you didn’t see him?”

“— You think he came down to see me?” Leaf shook her head in exasperation. “Look, Blue, I know it’s been a while, but Red hasn’t exactly changed. It’s not like he’s got _every single person_ he’s ever met in mind when he comes down. It’s literally like, 4 people, maybe 5 at most, and _that’s it._ ”

“And you aren’t one of them?”

Leaf shrugged, her eyes wide. “I don’t know! You know how much he loathes to leave that damn summit, and you think I’m _actually_ making the drive out to Pallet just to say hi to a person I see for like, 3 days tops?”

“Wow, some friend you are, Leaf.”

“Blue!” Her voice, now louder than before, startled Eevee; Blue and Leaf watched as she scampered off of Blue’s lap and under the table.

“Now look what you’ve done,” Blue chided, pushing his chair back to coax a skittish Eevee from out under the table, “You’ve spooked Eevee—“

“That’s not what this conversation is _about_ , Blue,” she began softer, while simultaneously brandishing her dirty fork in his direction, “You and I both know that you’re going to try and avoid Red on purpose for however long you’re here, and I’m not going to let that happen. You two are like, best friends. You won’t even go _see_ your best friend on your one trip home in two years and you’re calling _me_ the bad friend?”

She leaned back and shook her head, turning the fork in her hands around as if she were some self-justified villain. She turned her green gaze back to her companion, sighing, “Shameful.”

Blue rolled his eyes. “Leaf, it’s not that simple—“

“Yes it literally is. All you need to do is go to Pallet, say hi to Daisy, your grandfather, Red’s mom, and then you and I make the trip up the summit to see you’re best friend.” She shrugged again, stabbing her fork into the remainder of her food, “ _You’re_ the one making this difficult because you know you can’t stop thinking about him—“

“Leaf,” Blue warned through gritted teeth.

”Look man, you two are still best friends, crush or no crush. You have too much history together— you’ve both been to like, _every region_ besides Kanto and Johto together and at the same time.” Raising her hands for that added Leaf(tm) effect, she continued, “What happened to the Blue who was totally ready to go hang out in Unova with his _best friend Red_ for the Pokemon World Tournament, or the Blue who was so excited to go to Alola with his _best friend Red_ to check out the... what was it, Battle Tree?” She narrowed her eyes and shrugged. “See, I don’t even know because it was _literally just you two._ Stop trying to... erase your history or whatever because of some dumb crush, and go up that mountain and _see_ _your best friend._ ”

Blue shot her an (admittedly) weak glare, because as much as he hated to admit it, she was right.

Crush or no crush, they were best friends.

“Ugh, lighten up,” Leaf moaned, hunching over her food, the fork discarded to her side. “Your pouting is making _me_ upset. Look, just... go up to the mountain with me. It doesn’t even have to be for long, it can be like a day trip. Just to say hi to Red, catch up, and then we’re back to Pallet on that darling Pigeot of yours.”

Blue was quiet. It wasn’t a bad idea...

Leaf, however, seemingly wasn’t finished, as a quizzical look danced across her face, her fork returning in her grasp as she used it to gesture towards Blue’s waist.

“... Speaking of which, do have your whole team with you? I thought I saw 6 balls on your belt but I wasn’t sure.”

Blue quickly nodded, eager to change the topic. “Yeah. I’m here for a while, so I thought I’d bring the team by and do my job as gym leader for a couple months before packing it up and moving back to Kalos.”

Leaf blinked, the dim expression on her face lighting up in anticipation. “Wait, a _couple months?_ Blue, how long are you here for?”

“Uh... till December. I told Lance I’d open up the gym for a short summer season, and then pack it up at the end of fall. Nothing like any of the other gyms, but definitely a while compared to its recent activity.”

Leaf squealed.

“Oh my GOD Blue, _why didn’t you tell me?_ ” She leaned across the small table between them, encircling Blue in a hug tight enough to rival a Bewear. Blue looked away from the top of her head, flustered and embarrassed. “Oh my god, okay. You and I, we are gonna hang out like all summer. I thought you were here for like 2 weeks and you’re here until _December?_ It’s May so that’s like, _a lot of months,_ I’m too tired to do the math right now.”

Blue gave a laugh, returning the hug before gingerly removing her death grip from around his chest. “Yes, Leaf, I’m here for a while. I’m going to spend the first couple weeks at Daisy’s, and then move back to Viridian to run the gym.”

Leaf’s eyes were bright and full of wonder and excitement. “Oh my god, that’s amazing. You and I are literally gonna be summer besties, you better put time off to hang out with me because you already know how boring it is without Red around—“

“If you plan on hanging out at the gym, then be my guest—“

“Ugh, _no,_ ” Leaf rolled her eyes and turned her head towards the window overlooking the river. “The Virdian gym is like... the stuffiest gym _ever_. Do you even have air conditioning in there? It gets so hot during the summer, I don’t even know how you stand it. No,” she smiled devilishly, and Blue wondered just what was going on inside her head, “you and I, we’re gonna go be like everyone else during the summer, and we are not going to spend all our time cooped up in the back office of the Virdian gym.”

Blue shrugged, a laugh escaping his lips. “Hey, it’s the only place that has air conditioning, cut me some slack.”

The two of them burst with laughter at that, riding the train of nostalgia through the rest of their dinner, thankful that the tension their conversation previously held diminished with each new topic.

They had a lot of catching up to do, after all.


	3. home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everything’s so happy and nice in this chapter :)
> 
> also i used blue’s sun and moon team when u battle him for the first time at the battle tree

Pallet Town never changed.

Sure, it did have slightly more industry than when Blue was growing up, but the feel, the energy of Pallet Town never changed. As soon as one left Viridian, the quiet calm of Pallet took root with its serene seaside vistas and placid way of life. It was still the quaint little seaside town Blue remembered, its horizons forever punctured by the snowy peak in the distance.

Mount Silver loomed over Virdian and Pallet, Johto nestled on its opposite slope; Viridian was settled upon the mountain’s base, with the Indigo League not far beyond that. As Blue and Leaf drove the distance between the sister towns, he let himself sink into the nostalgia and the feeling of being _home_.

Leaf, ever attuned with her surroundings, kept giving passing glances towards Blue; he’d act like he didn’t notice, but he felt warm on the inside every time she did so. They were practically family, and he was home, and both were so glad to be back in the other’s presence.

Eevee sat in his lap during their ride to Pallet Town, her fluffy tail puffed with excitement, soft trills and hums filling the air the closer they got to Blue’s home. Blue looked down at her, a hand idly going to the Pokéballs on his belt. He had his whole team here for his homecoming, and he couldn’t wait to let them all out so they, too, could get a breath of the fresh seaside air.

Leaf’s voice broke the silence. “I called Daisy this morning, and she actually said we should meet her for a picnic on Route 1,” she offered amiably, shooting a side glance towards her companion. Blue nodded in acceptance, thinking that a picnic with Daisy wouldn’t be a bad idea at all. “I told her we’d just swing by the picnic spot instead of head straight to Pallet. Does that sound okay?”

Blue concurred, “Oh yeah, that’s perfect. A picnic on Route 1 is a great idea. I’d be able to let out my team, too, I’m sure they’re all cramped from being in their Pokéballs for so long.”

As if on cue, all of the balls on his belt shivered with a faint red glow. Blue rolled his eyes, a light chuckle flowing out from his mouth. Beside him, Leaf gave a laugh as well.

“I totally get that, y’know, I brought Venusaur with me, ever since she found out you were coming back she’s been bugging me non-stop about a visit.” Leaf cast a fond glance towards the Pokéball fastened snugly against her waist before training her eyes on the road ahead.

They still had a long way to go before they were home.

* * *

“Leaf! ... _Blue_!”

Route 1. A long, foresty connection between Virdian City and Pallet Town. Before, when Blue had been young, the path wound itself all around the small peninsula connecting Pallet Town to the mainland, its end reaching the outskirts of Virdian. Nowadays, the route had been downsidzed due to the implementation of a large highway that, in Blue’s opinion, was a much needed blessing.

However, portions of the old Route 1 still existed, mostly beyond Pallet and to the beachy edges of the peninsula it called home. Trees were plenty, dotting all across the Kantonian countryside, offering shade and refuge from the sun that Blue knew could cause havoc on a hot day.

Stepping out of Leaf’s car, Blue took in the scene before him.

His beloved sister, Daisy, had risen from the picnic blanket she’d set out for him and was now running towards them; beside her, still sitting on the ground, a much more gray Professor Oak eyed his grandson with adoration and pride. Next to him sat Red’s mother, her dark brown hair streaked with gray, the same soft smile she always had settled on her lips.

Blue couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face. Eevee, perched on his shoulder, lit up at the sight of Daisy running toward’s them, her tail gently thumping against Blue’s back in excitement. Leaf stood next to him, a hand on her hip as she waved down the three they were meeting.

Blue cast a glance at Leaf, who’s own face was lit in exuberance, the wind tousling her hair ever so slightly. The salty air, Daisy’s shriek of joy, his gandfather and Red’s mother... it was a perfect scene.

The only thing that could make it more perfect would be _him_ , if only _he_ were here—

No. Now wasn’t the time to get weighed down by what he wanted. Blue shook off the thought of Red, instead focusing on who was actually here to see him. They still mattered to him very much, and just to see them waiting for him and Leaf was enough to quash the little voice of entitled longing that nagged in the back of his brain.

“Daisy, it’s good to be— _oomf!_ ”

Blue was cut off by a tight hug from the brunette; Daisy buried her head into Blue’s chest, her form shaking with what he could only assume were tears of joy. He hadn’t meant to make his sister cry; overwhelmed with his own emotions, Blue returned the hug with equal intensity, hiding his tears in the slope of her shoulder.

Daisy pulled away, her features turned upwards in a delighted smile as she raised a hand to her brothers’ face. Blue leaned into the touch, his heart aching with how much he’d missed his sister. There was only so much being a loner in a far away region could get you, and for Blue, it would never be enough to satisfy the hole in his heart he had for his family.

Daisy gently rubbed the side of his face, just like she had when he was a child. A soft whisper left her lips as their eyes met, “ _Welcome home, Blue._ ”

Blue nodded, smiling down at his sister, just enjoying the moment; sibling reunions were equally tough and equally liberating for the two of them.

The tender moment, however, was ruined by an overly enthusiastic Eevee, who launched herself from Blue’s spot on his shoulder and straight into Daisy’s chest.

“Oh my— _Eevee!_ ” Daisy cried, her arms wrapping around the small creature, who was now writhing with excitement, “it’s been too long, little lady! I’ve missed you so much too, I know I know!” Daisy laughed as the exuberant Pokémon let out little huffs and trills to show her affection, her paws waving in an excited frenzy. Daisy flipped her around to hold her like the babe she was, tickling her fuzzy stomach and earning a chorus of excited trills in return.

Blue and Leaf gave a burst of laughter in tandem; Eevee never failed to disappoint. Blue tore his gaze away from his adored sister to look at the other two members of their party, who were now standing and making their way over to the trio.

“Blue, it’s good to see you!” Oak’s voice was rougher than Blue remembered, but it still had that characteristic higher pitch Blue remembered. Oak smiled at his grandfather as the latter pulled him into a tight hug; it always got more difficult for the two as the years went on, with their difference in height. However, unlike so many years ago, Blue accepted his grandfather’s praise and admiration with a sunny disposition instead of blunt indignance.

He and his grandfather had settled their differences many years ago, and it was not in Blue’s heart anymore to hold a grudge for the man.

“Gramps! It’s so good to see you,” Blue exclaimed, returning the hug. It had been such a weight of his chest to be able to respond to his grandfather with positivity. “How’ve you been? You better not be alone in the lab again, if you are—“

“Oh, Blue, relax!” Oak huffed out, a hint of laughter on the end of his tongue. “We aren’t here to talk about my lab experiments, because I want to hear all about _yours_! What’s it like in Kalos, have you found anything interesting yet? How’s your studies on mega evolution going? Is that professor—“

“Woah, woah, slow down,” Blue laughed, releasing his grandfather and turning to Red’s mom, who now stood beside them. “I’ll tell you all about it, promise, Gramps. I’m here for a while, so I’ll tell you anything you wanna hear.”

Oak gave a laugh at that, placing his hands on his hips. It felt... so... nice, really, to be able to look at the people who cared about him and be able to care back.

He was no longer the moody teenage brat he once was, and he liked that.

“Delia!” Blue exclaimed, his smile lighting up towards the last member of their little troupe. She had tears peaking out the corners of her eyes as she embraced him in a motherly hug; Blue always loved that about her.

“Oh, Blue,” Delia said through tears, squeezing him tight. “You look so much more grown up every time I see you, I can’t help... oh, I’m just so proud of you, all of you. Come here, Leaf!”

Blue stumbled slightly as Delia leaned over to pull Leaf into their hug; the brunette hadn’t complained, embracing both Blue and Delia in a Bewear-tight hug of her own.

Blue’s mind, however, was focused elsewhere.

Blue knew exactly what Delia meant when she had said “all of you.”

Red, Blue, and Leaf.

The classic trio (incomplete nowadays). And Delia was still proud of them for everything they’d done.

Delia regarded him with a slight frown upon his release. “Oh, if only you’d visited sooner,” she said softly, shaking her head. “Red was down from the mountain just a few weeks ago, he would’ve loved to see you. I’m sure you’ll be visiting him up the mountain soon, though, right?”

Blue’s heart caught in his throat as four pairs of eyes trained on him. He could feel Leaf’s unease next to him; despite their conversation the previous night, it was still a touchy subject, and Blue still didn’t have a proper answer.

“I, uh, actually—“

“ _We’re going up together!_ ” Leaf suddenly proclaimed, swinging an arm around Blue’s neck, pulling him down to her height. “We talked about it last night and since we both missed Red last month, we’re gonna climb up that mountain together for a double surprise visit!”

Blue released the breath he was holding.

That would probably be the only time Blue thanked Leaf for her ability to completely bullshit her way through a situation.

Delia gave a wide smile in return, proclaiming, “That’d be wonderful! I know he’d really appreciate that. He was a bit unhappy to find neither of his best friends were around when he came down... bad timing happens to the best of us.” Delia gave a laugh and a shrug, before gesturing to the picnic set behind them. “Well, why don’t we catch up over lunch? Daisy thought of it and it’d be a shame to let it all go to waste!”

With that, the group of five (and Eevee!) began making their way to the picnic set. Blue, suddenly remembering what he came here to do, placed a hand on Leaf’s shoulder. She stopped and spun around, a look of confusion spreading across her face.

Blue stepped back a bit and gave her a smile, his hand coiling around one of the balls on his belt. Leaf watched in awe as Blue tossed it forward, red mist escaping its confines and manifesting into a large, beautiful Pidgeot.

Its head swiveled around frantically as it tried to identify its surroundings. It swung its head around to face its trainer, feathers puffed out in a startled huff.

“Hey,” Blue spoke softly, meeting Pidgeot’s gaze. He smoothed out the feathers that had puffed up from Pidgeot’s face, feeling its heartbeat begin to calm. “ _We’re home._ ”

Realized dawned across the bird Pokémon’s face as it gazed beyond Blue and towards the rest of Route 1, its beak breaking into the closest thing to a smile as it could. Pidgeot spread its wings before launching itself into the air, leaving a burst of wind in its place. Blue gave a wild laugh as he stumbled backwards, the force of the rushing air causing his and Leaf’s clothes to wave wildly in the wind.

Blue turned back towards the picnic set, shouting, “I brought my team with me and thought it’d be a good idea to let them out and stretch!”

He was met with sounds of encouragement and delight as he released his Pokémon, one by one.

Arcanine, Alakazam, Gyarados, Machamp, and Exeggutor.

Blue watched as they all stood together, slightly confused and a bit wary; as soon as Arcanine set eyes on the picnic blanket, her tail wagging fiercely and her eyes widening with glee, the group of Pokémon tensed and began to relax in the warm summer air.

Blue approached the picnic blanket, glancing back at his Pokémon. Pidgeot was flying high above them in happy figure 8s; Arcanine sprawled on her back, her back leg thumping against the ground as Leaf bombarded her with kisses and stomach rubs; Gyarados and Machamp made a beeline for the nearby beach, while Exeggutor chose to stand straight and soak in the sun. Alakazam approached Arcanine, rolling her eyes at the dog Pokémon before settling down on the blanket next to Blue.

Leaf stood up from Arcanine for a second, announcing with a shout, “I bet you’d like to soak in the sun too, huh Venusaur?”

Just beyond Arcanine, the looming flower of Leaf’s Venusaur popped open in the summer light. The creature gave a soft groan of comfort upon feeling the sun’s beams on its back, before settling down next to Arcanine to soak up even more warmth. Leaf looked at the two fondly, before settling against Arcanine’s fuzzy flank.

Blue could damn near cry; all of this was perfect. His Pokémon and family were here, there was food, Eevee was behaving herself, and he was home.

Everything he missed about Kanto, all gathered in one place.

Well... almost everything.

If only _Red was here, then it’d be—_

“So,” a voice snapped Blue out of his stupor; he turned his head to his grandfather, who was now holding up a sandwich and staring at Blue with a glint in his eye. “I want to hear all about your studies with that professor...”

* * *

Blue groaned, sinking into the oversized couch in Daisy’s living room. His joints popped and cracked ever so slightly; that was the _last_ time he sad in one spot on the ground for an unecessarily long amount of time.

_Still as comfy as I remember,_ Blue thought to himself, sinking even deeper into the cushions. Daisy gave a short chuckle at him as she breezed past him and into the kitchen.

“I don’t know if you want to stay in your old room,” Daisy’s voice carried over from the kitchen amidst the sound of running water, “Since you haven’t visited in so long I haven’t really cleaned, well I tried my best before your visit but you always give such short notice...”

Blue opened one eye, staring into the gaze of his sister as she regarded him from above the couch. In her hands she held a glass, offering it to him; he sat up and took it from her, taking a sip. He sighed at the bursting flavor of fresh Pecha juice, just like when he was young. Another thing he missed while away from Kanto.

“You’re best is enough for me,” Blue whistled, smiling up at his sister. She gave him a soft smile, settling on the couch next to him. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

Daisy, just like him, had grown older and more tired; Blue knew the feeling well, but he could also tell that something was bugging her from the look in her eyes that seemed... _strained_.

“Daisy, is everything okay?”

Daisy inhaled suddenly, picking her head up off of Blue’s shoulder. He turned to meet her gaze, amber like his own, and was surprised to find it full of worry.

“Hey, Daisy? What’s wrong—“

“You _are_ going to go see Red, right? That wasn’t just Leaf bluffing when she said you both were going up earlier?”

Blue inhaled, turning away from Daisy’s gaze. Of _course_ that was what this was about, because everyone he loved and cared about also loved and cared about him and knew when he was secretly beating himself up on the inside over a decade-long crush.

“It was something Leaf and I talked about, yeah,” he started slowly, taking another sip of the juice. Eevee, who had crawled over from the other side of the couch, leaned forward and sniffed the sweet concoction before turning her puppy dog eyes on Blue. He rolled his eyes and tilted the glass towards her, allowing her to take a sip.

_Spoiled brat._

“Blue,” Daisy said again, and he turned to face her. “Don’t lie to me. You and Leaf talked, yeah, but are you _actually_ going to go do it?” She sighed, shaking her head. “I really want you to, Blue, everyone does. You should’ve seen him when he came down, it was the second time in two years and you weren’t around for either—“

“Wait, the _second time in two years?_ ” Blue shifted, disbelief crossing his face. “He came down twice? In two years?... Are you serious?”

Daisy nodded. “Yeah. We were... a little surprised to see him, honestly, we hadn’t even expected him to drop by. But he did, and he asked about you first and then he asked about Leaf before just... staying with his mom. She definitely enjoyed it, anything to get him off of that mountain, but both of us thought it was... strange.”

Daisy looked at him with hopeful eyes, and Blue shook his head, rolling his eyes as he understood what she was getting at.

“Daisy, look, just because I like someone doesn’t mean they like me back. And just because Red comes down from that summit one more time than what’s usual doesn’t mean he’s looking for me in particular— or anyone, for that matter.” He shrugged as she huffed next to him, crossing her arms. “I’m sorry, but I just... I like to think of him as just my friend. It’s difficult enough to deal with these feelings on my own, and it’s even worse when our relationship is already so strained...”

Daisy paused for a moment, then sighed. “I know, I just... you’re always so sad by it. I know you always think about him whenever you think about Kanto, and that it’s why you’ve... delayed coming back.”

Blue sighed internally; there was a bit of truth to that statement...

“I just don’t want you to sit around moping while you’re here.” She nudged his shoulder, smiling softly. “You and Red are best friends, so go see him. You don’t have to weigh yourself down with a crush all the time, allow yourself to dream a little. And yeah, if it won’t go anywhere... you’ve still got his friendship, right?”

Blue looked at her incredulously, shaking his head.

“Have you and Leaf secretly been conspiring behind my back or something?”

Daisy’s mouth upturned to a wide smile as she laughed; it was light and bubbly, just as it had been on the phone. Another thing Blue hadn’t realized he’d missed so much.

“ _It’s good to have you back, Blue,_ ” Daisy sighed quietly, embracing him in a tight hug before exiting the room.


	4. decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blue realizes some things and makes an important decision.
> 
> also, eevee and leaf are me, 100%

Viridian Gym was a far cry from what one considered an “ _actual gym._ ”

Months of disuse had led the building to collect dust and cobwebs, its insides slowly warming like an oven in the hot summer air. As Blue opened the front doors of the complex, a gust of hot, dense air hit him square in the face.

Blue took a step back, doubling over in a coughing fit. An exasperated Leaf rolled her eyes, shifting her weight next to him.

“Now I can see where Eevee gets it,” she sighed, placing a hand on one of the double doors to the gym. “Seriously, the two of you are such _drama queens_. It’s not that bad, come on let’s go in and get this place up and running.”

She opened the door, scrunching her face as she was met with the hot gym air.

“Not so pleasant, huh, Leaf?” Blue said, straightening, a smug smile gracing his lips. He whistled in disbelief as he stepped into the gym, taking in the disastrous state of the arena before them. “Damn, it really has been two years, hasn’t it?”

“Who would’ve thought?” Leaf grumbled beside him, taking in the complete disarray before them.

Leaf called out a disgruntled Venusaur, who shot her a pleading look as she was hit with the heat. Leaf, already sweating, shrugged to her grass type companion, “Sorry, Venu. Blue here can’t clean this place by himself, so we’re gonna help him.”

Beside her, Blue called out Gyarados and Pidgeot. The two looked at their trainer incredulously as they adjusted to the temperature, glancing between themselves as Blue began gesturing to different parts of the gym.

Once their cleaning routine was explained to the three Pokémon, they all shared a look before getting to work dusting, washing, and cleaning up.

After an hour spent cleaning up the disastrous battle arena and making sure any stray bug types were safely returned to the outside, Blue and Leaf made a beeline for Blue’s back office. Stark and white against the gray coloration of the rest of the gym, Blue sighed as he spotted the pile of paperwork that had accumulated on the desk in his absence.

“Did Lance _really_ come in here while I was gone, _leave paperwork_ , and then decide to _not comment at all about the state of the gym?_ ” he grunted to himself, immediately heading to the back window to turn on the air conditioner. He let out a sigh as the cold air began to rush against his face, stumbling a bit as Leaf shoved him out the way.

A tired squeak came from the doorway; Blue turned, catching an exhausted Eevee’s eye as she fell flat on the hot linoleum. Leaf turned away from the AC and laughed at the little Pokémon as Blue walked over, scooping her up into his arms.

“Sorry, ’Vee,” he apologized, sliding into the black swivel chair he had once been so accustomed to. The white faux wood of his desk shone in the stark light of the office, its surface dotted with unopened mail packets and stacks of papers that Blue reluctantly recognized as official league paperwork. “We’re gonna have to stay in here for a while, being away for so long has caused... yeah. There’s a lot of paperwork.”

Eevee gave an exasperated sigh in his lap, bouncing onto the table and over to Leaf, who was still huddled around the air conditioner.

“Hey,” Blue scolded, turning to the two of them, “no hogging the air conditioner. Let the air actually flow through the office so it can cool down, then you won’t have to crowd around it.”

Leaf childishly stuck out her tongue at him, turning back to the AC, still pumping chilly air onto her sweaty form. Eevee sat perched on her shoulder, eyes shut tight as she delighted in the cool rush of air.

Blue groaned; today was going to be a long day.

* * *

“Veeeee...”

“C’mon, Eevee. It’s time to go.”

Blue cast a quick glance out of the window sill towards the setting sun, the sky drenched in beautiful pinks and purples. The cascade of color was the last thing Blue saw before the city would be swept in darkness. He turned back to Eevee, curled up on the AC unit, unwilling to move from her chilly throne.

“Eevee...” Blue began, walking towards the Pokémon. “It’s almost dark out. Do you really want to walk home in the dark?”

No answer.

Fine...

“... We’ll stop by that deli you always liked on the way home—“

“Veee!”

Eevee suddenly perked up, and Blue lurched from the sudden weight in his shoulder. He cast a side-eye towards Eevee, who stared with wide, innocent eyes.

Blue’s heart buckled; he could never stay mad at such a cute Pokémon.

Closing up shop had always been a quick routine; a quick flip of a switch to turn off the AC and lights, and then it was just a matter of locking up the gym. It took all of 5 minutes, ending with an exhausted Blue and Eevee standing outside the gym, admiring their handiwork.

“Well, that was something I definitely didn’t miss about Kanto,” Blue grumbled, thinking back to all of the cleaning and dusting and tidying up he and Leaf had undertaken that day; he'd tried to ignore the defeated glances Pidgeot and Gyarados gave him when they were returned to their Pokéballs. Blue internally sighed, shaking his head and turning to head down the sidewalk. “Ready to head home, Eevee?”

Eevee gave an excited chirp, her paws kneading into Blue’s shoulder as they began down the sidewalk.

A quick trip to the local deli and a short walk up 2 flights of stairs later, and Blue was entering his old Kanto apartment for the first time in two years.

Blue immediately took off the belt containing the members of his team, gingerly placing it on a weathered side table placed precariously by the front door. Blue didn’t want to deal with any of his team getting bumped around as he maneuvered through the dusty apartment; the side table would have to do.

Overall, the apartment was pretty much the same as he remembered. Small kitchenette, small dining table, small living space, and then a short hallway that led back to his bedroom and his bathroom. Nothing big, nothing fancy, and easy to afford on a gym leader’s salary. It was certainly less extravagant than his Kalos home, but Blue didn’t mind.

He and Eevee made their way to the dining table, plastic take out bags crinkling as Blue set them down. Removing their dinners, Blue pulled out a chair to the table, sighing as he began on his meal. Eevee had already begun munching away on her own food besides him, paying no attention to him as he began to zone out.

Maybe it was the content he felt at being back home, or the good mood he was still in from spending the last week in Pallet Town with his sister. It _did_ feel good to be back home, there was no other place like Kanto in the world and it was still a sight to behold after all these years.

But still...

Blue immediately swiveled his head towards the nearest window as he shut down his most recent train of thought. The window sat, mocking him in a way, its blinds closed, the world dark beyond it.

Blue remembered why he chose this apartment in particular: he could clearly see Mount Silver from every window he had, and somedays, if it was clear and cloudless for miles, he'd be able to spy glimpses of the peak in all its glory.

And along with the peak... was Red.

Blue shivered to himself at the mention of the man; he had been a topic that Blue desperately tried to avoid with all the people around him. Daisy was the only one who managed to break through, as she was his sister and he was powerless against her.

Again, maybe it was the good mood he felt being back home, or maybe even the exhaustion from being back in the gym doing paperwork like old times, but Blue suddenly found it difficult to prevent his mind from wandering.

If only he’d been here sooner... then he would’ve been able to see _Red_.

Just a small bit of indulgence made Blue’s heart ache; he longed to see the object of his affections more than anything else, to feel Red’s presence, to be able to touch Red and know that he was really, truly there. Blue had been away for so long, though... he was scared that their next interaction would end up badly if he couldn’t keep himself together.

Red had no idea about Blue’s crush. Or, at least, if he did, he never told Blue about it. It had been something Blue had kept hidden from his admittedly dense friend for years, afraid of the hurt that came from rejection that would only pour salt into still healing wounds.

After all these years, and Blue still wasn't ready to confess.

But even so, it was little moments like these— thinking about Red, his sparsely used voice, the way his lips would turn upwards ever so slightly in a smile if he found something you said funny, the way his eyes always lit up with a hidden passion that felt singularly directed at Blue (well, that last one was more speculation, _but still_ )— that made Blue happy. Just imagining a life with Red sent hordes of Butterfree tumbling about in his stomach.

Eevee seemed to notice the way he was smiling stupidly to himself, for she rolled her eyes and knocked the arm holding his chin up out from under him.

Blue almost face-planted into his food, shooting Eevee a glare amidst her snickering.

“Eevee, that was uncalled for,” Blue chastised, narrowing his eyes and continuing on his food. He let his mind wander back to thoughts of Red, absentmindedly picking at his food to appease an already exasperated Eevee.

Even after all they’d been through together— their tumultuous childhood, their bitter (at least to Blue at the time) rivalry, then even beyond that to regions like Unova and Alola in their later years— Red would always return back to Mount Silver. Blue secretly wished that one of these days Red would come down and stay down, but after Red ascended in the wake of their trip to Unova for the PWT, Blue had given up on that dream.

At first, it had taken Blue a while to understand the appeal of such a climb, with its harsh temperatures, unpredictable weather, and even more unpredictable wildlife. It was a constant obstacle course that thrummed with life, forever looming in the distant Kanto horizon. But now... Blue knew exactly what to think of the place his love called home.

All it did was remind him of Red. The cold, unyielding rock face, so similar to the often blank, focused expression the darker haired boy maintained for the better half of his life; the unpredictability of it all was reflective of one of the youngest Kanto Champions in history, with Red himself being as much of an enigma in person as the looming silhouette of Mount Silver suggested.

To Blue, they were one and the same. The mountain breathed and lived with the life of Red; to Blue, they were inseparable.

And that revelation is what kept Blue coming back. It kept him determined to make the trek, to see his long lost friend and childhood love, to always make time for the person who changed his life. No matter how insurmountable the journey may seem, Blue always managed to get to the top and win his prize in the form of a refreshing smile from his love.

It was at this moment, as Eevee yet again kicked his arm from out underneath him, that Blue realized just how absolutely fuck all the situation was.

No matter how much he loved Red, no matter how many times he managed to scale the mountain, the distance never closed between the two of them the way it really should and as far as Red was concerned, Blue was just a worried friend who actually had time to worry. Blue had always made it to the top, but as soon as he thrust his arms up in victory, the vast night sky took over to remind him of all the things he had yet to accomplish.

The stars mocked him in his mind, eons away and glowing with the torture of never being able to reach that final stage.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t; Blue knew that taking the final leap was all it took. One well-timed peck to Red’s chapped lips, or perhaps a hug that burned a bit to hot to be just for friends, and maybe Red would finally get the message. Blue would finally be able to grab one of those mocking stars and shake it with all the force a mocked man could muster.

But that’s all Blue was.

_A mocked man._

He could very well tell Red how he felt... but he wouldn’t. He was afraid, too scared of the unknown; the mountain was tangible, easy to climb; once it came to the vastness of space, the utter anarchy that was his love for Red, and Blue was an overwhelmed mess begging to go back down the way he came.

Yeah.

A friendship with Red was better. That mountain was easier to scale, and the overwhelming night sky that was Blue’s love was easily kept in check with small glances and smiles that screamed “platonic” whenever the two would meet.

_Yeah._

Blue was just fine with a friendship.

If only his damn heart would just let Red go already...

Blue thought back to Leaf, and back to Daisy. How the two of them had encouraged him to go see Red, even trying to convince him to finally disclose his true feelings. Maybe in all of this... they were right. Blue's heart pounded at the thought of telling Red, of finally being able to release the one secret he still had, and the thought of such newfound freedom... invigorated Blue.

Blue could live with a friendship. He didn't need to have his feelings reciprocated, but maybe just getting them out there would be a better choice. If he held onto these feelings, keeping them secret, then their relationship might spoil, all because Blue couldn't trust Red enough to tell him his feelings—

Blue could live in the friend zone. He couldn't live without having Red at all.

* * *

“ _Sooo_...”

Blue watched as Leaf swirled a straw around the inside of her coffee cup; Blue didn’t even know why she was doing that, he thought she got some fancy iced latte or something that didn’t even need stirring.

Summer was in full swing three weeks after Blue’s arrival. It had been easy to settle back into a groove, as much as Blue hated to admit it; he had missed Kanto, and the surge of adrenaline that came with organizing the gym for the next league season kept him in higher spirits than usual.

He and Leaf were settled outside of a cafe establishment in Viridian; the urbanization that had occurred in much of western Kanto during Blue’s years of absence had been a much-needed improvement from the many dirt paths and worn roads of Blue’s youth. Viridian was now becoming “hip,” as Leaf said; Blue was sure that’s what she said, and if she did that to make him seem like an old man on purpose...

“... So?”

Leaf shot him a look, and he shrugged, taking a sip of his... what had Leaf called it? A frappuccino? He’d seen them listed in places in Kalos, but not once has the admittedly delicious icy concoction call his name. Now, however, Blue was all too aware of just how much like a milkshake the thing was and was struggling to maintain self-control.

When Blue was silent, Leaf began again.

“So... when are we going to Mount Silver?”

Blue shrugged, and apparently that wasn’t the right answer, because Leaf’s eyes shot wide and her back straightened. Blue looked at her in confusion, a hand subconsciously trailing down to his lap to scratch behind a sleeping Eevee’s ears.

“What?”

“Sorry,” Leaf admitted, a chuckle on the tip of her tongue, “I just expected you to deny any involvement with that journey, seeing as you were so adamant at not going to see Red this time.” Leaf’s eyes narrowed. “Why is that, exactly? Like, why do you just... not want to go see your best friend?”

Blue raised an eyebrow at her, to which she responded with another exasperated sigh (was it just Blue or were those noises of annoyance becoming more commonplace lately?).

“Blue, you really expect me to believe that it’s all because of some stupid childhood crush?” Leaf rolled her eyes, her hands abandoning her half-finished coffee in favor of gesturing wildly towards Blue. “Seriously, oh my god, just go up the mountain and like, I don’t know, tell him how you feel or something.”

“Red doesn’t—“

“Don’t even dare try to say that Red doesn’t like you, because he obviously does,” Leaf reasoned, her tone clipped and biting. When Green didn’t respond, she finished, “You have no idea how much unresolved tension there is between the two of you, do you?”

“Tension— what are you even _talking_ about, Leaf—“

“ _Ugh_.” Leaf bounced her feet on the ground in annoyance, hands returning to swish around the remainder of her... latte? Yeah, latte. After a long, drawn-out sip, Leaf dropped the empty cup to the table and pointed an accusatory finger at Blue. “You need to get over this fear of rejection and just, well first go up the mountain with me—“

“Okay.”

Leaf’s voice immediately cut off in favor of a sheer look of bewilderment, which she was directing towards her companion with full force. Blue’s face, in contrast, was the very picture of seriousness, his eyes betraying nothing as he repeated, “Okay.”

Leaf took on the likeness of a flailing Magikarp, her mouth opening and closing as she fought to get various phrases of shock, confusion, and most importantly, _glee_ , out into the open. She settled on closing her eyes, taking in a deep breath, and following up with a smug retort.

“What happened to the Blue from three weeks ago, who _desperately_ tried to convince me that there was _no way_ anyone was going to get him up that mountain?” A smirk settled across her features as Blue turned away, shaking his head as if he didn’t have an answer himself.

His most recent conversation with his sister stuck in his mind; the way she gave him a look that screamed “ _please_ ” as he tried to deny his secret desire to hike up that mountain and tackle his best friend/childhood crush into the biggest hug of his life hung heavy on his conscience. He hadn’t meant to make her upset, or even worse, worry about him, but there she was doing both of those things because she was concerned about her brother.

_Well, I did say that I’d think about it, didn’t I, Dais? Guess I’ve got a Mount Silver expedition in my future._

Blue, instead of answering, flashed Leaf a somber smile. His female companion gave a shriek of joy; perhaps it was a bit too loud, given how the other cafe patrons sitting around them had all turned their heads to look distastefully at the cause of the commotion.

“Oh my god, Blue, _I’m so happy!_ ” Leaf exclaimed, waving her arms above her in joy. Eevee gave an excited squeak, oblivious to the depth of the conversation, her tail thumping eagerly against Blue’s chest. Blue grimaced; how had Leaf’s excitement over his debilitating crush of all things managed to infect his darling Eevee?

He was two against one when it came to this fight, and perhaps deep down inside he had wanted to lose.

Leaf propped her head up in her hands, gazing at him with wide, malachite orbs; it was the most joy he’d ever seen impressed upon his friend, and for a split second Blue felt the elation fill his lungs. He was going to go up that mountain, he was going to see Red, he was—

“Are you gonna tell him how you feel?”

And suddenly, the elation was gone, a flurried energy taking its place.

Blue opted to avoid her gaze, trying to ignore the way his heart was speeding up; oh god, maybe Leaf _did_ have a point. If he just sucked it up and told Red how he felt then he wouldn’t even need to deal with this stupid shaking feeling that felt like it was swallowing him whole—

When Blue didn’t respond, Leaf prompted, “Y’know, I bet he does like you back... I mean, you were the first person he asked about according to Daisy—“

“I knew it, you two ARE conspiring behind my back!” Blue finally proclaimed, half relieved to be pulled out of his thoughts, half eager to do anything to turn the tables in his favor. An exaggerated smirk crossed his face as Leaf gave a huff of indignance, but Blue could only remember how he had to explain to his sister that just because someone asks about you, it doesn’t mean they like you... like that.

“Blue, _I am not and have never conspired with Daisy to get you to admit your feelings to him._ Although,” a sly smile crossed her face, her eyebrows reaching new heights as the gears in her brain kicked into motion. “I _will_ 100% be willing to conspire with _you_ to get you to admit your feelings to him.”

“Me? Really, you think you’re gonna get me to admit something to Red that I have trouble admitting to myself? Seriously, did you forget that I didn't even want to see him in the first place?”

Eevee gave a knowing mewl from his lap, and he pointedly ignored looking at her to avoid the sly gaze she no doubt had plastered to her furry little face.

Leaf shook her head, smile broadening. “Well, _first_ of all, you want to see him now so that last point is irrelevant. Don't give me that look, Blue," Leaf crooned, unable to keep the smile out of her words. "No, no, I won’t get you to admit it if you don’t want to, but I will help you create the perfect scenario to do so!” she leaned forward, pointing a finger at Blue’s chest. “Look, we get up there, hang out for a bit, and then I’ll just... wander off at some point and give you two ample time to discuss your feelings. Maybe you can... _get together_ , even.”

Blue rolled his eyes to show his disdain as Leaf crumpled into a fit of giggles, but underneath the surface, he was contemplating the idea. After all, Leaf _could_ turn out to be the greatest wingwoman in history if she managed to get Blue to successfully admit his feelings to his lifelong crush...

“... _I don’t hear a no, Blue._ ”

“... You’ll really help me do that—“

“YOU’LL REALLY CONFESS?”

Blue raised a finger, hand tightened on his... frappuccino. It had gone warm and liquidy during their conversation, but Blue didn’t care. His mind was too preoccupied with his heart, which was beating so fast with so many ideas and thoughts about Red and how he would confess if he even managed to do that and _oh god what if Red did reciprocate, would they actually have their first kiss on Mount fucking Silver—_

“... If you agree to help me, then you also agree to say nothing to my sister, grandfather, or Red’s mom,” he hissed, leaning forward and lowering his voice. “The last thing I want is those three to pressure me into confessing because if you know and Daisy knows, then those two also know and then I won't be able to escape any amount of jokes or puns about the situation, and then I'll be forced to go back to Kalos and never come back."

Suddenly Leaf cackled loudly, her eyes wide and hands pressed to her cheeks.

“Don’t worry, Blue,” she drawled when the cackles subsided, an unidentifiable haziness settling in her gaze, “I’m going to make sure that you give the _best god damn confession_ in the history of Kanto.”

Blue should be worried, but he couldn’t hear over his heart pounding in his chest.


	5. climb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // trigger warnings // panic attacks, fear of heights
> 
> also augh i thought i’d be able to make it 5 chapters but then i got going on this one and i couldnt STOP so now it’s become this 5000 something word mess
> 
> next chapter last chapter, be prepared

The elation he felt from Leaf’s words of enthusiam and encouragement from a week prior fell away into a vast, beckoning pit at the bottom of his stomach as Blue suddenly remembered some very appropriate reasons for not wanting to go back up Mount Silver.

He could feel his heartbeat quicken, and it wasn’t from the prospect of seeing his love again.

Mount Silver was... a _mountain_.

A very... _tall_ mountain...

“Hey, you aren’t thinking of backing out now, are you?”

Leaf’s voice called from the receptionist counter, snapping Blue out of his frightened reverie and rooting him in the present. The earthen scents of Mount Silver hadn’t penetrated the stark halls of the Pokémon Center situated at its base: a final rest stop for those making the trecherous climb.

To Blue and Leaf, the Pokémon Center was the last thing grounding them to their lives in Kanto. Once they were outside and beyond the jurisdiction of the league, they would relinquish themselves to the unforgiving rock face until they emerged on the other side of the clouds at the top of the world.

Blue gulped; being above the clouds was really... not a good idea.

“Blue?”

Leaf’s voice was lighter than usual, almost as if she could sense that something was wrong. Blue flinched as she lightly tapped his shoulder, turning away from the Pokémon Center’s window and towards Leaf’s concerned gaze.

“Yeah, I’m... heights. I don’t... do well with them.”

Blue pointedly avoided Leaf’s gaze as it twisted into utter annoyance, her light touch becoming an uncomfortable squeeze as she willed Blue’s face back towards hers.

“Why is it,” she grunted through grit teeth, brows furrowed to contain her anger, “that I am _just_ _finding out about this?_ ”

“... I cherish my ego?”

Leaf groaned and pressed her forehead to Blue’s chest, her hands fisted in his shirt. Blue raised his arms and gave a sheepish laugh as she pulled away, looking absolutely done with his shit and ready to climb the damn mountain.

“... Stop stalling, Blue, and let’s go. If we hurry we can make it to the peak before nightfall.”

_Peak..._

Blue gulped, watching Leaf stride confidently between the automatic doors shielding him from the outside world. A hand absentmindedly shifted to his Pokéballs, remembering how much of a struggle the first climb was all those years ago.

But it was okay, he told himself, because as soon as he got to the top with Leaf he could stop focusing on the dizzying distance between him and the ground and instead muse about Red, the person he was really here to see, whose name sent hordes of Vivillion tumbling about his intestines.

Blue gulped, striding out of the doors.

The impending summit gestured him into its embrace.

* * *

_Of all the places that idiot had to disappear too, why did it have to be Mount_ fucking _Silver?_

_It’s not like Blue hadn’t been here before, oh no; Blue had spent many times flitting about its base, training his perfect team to their peak performance level, all for..._

_A gust of wind swung around the rock face, throwing snow into Blue’s field of view, momentarily blinding him._

_Arcanine gave a whimper of discontent, shrugging her shoulders to dislodge any loose particles of snow and (hopefully) not her trainer, who was currently nestled deep into her neck fur. Honestly, sometimes Blue could be such a drama queen, but even now... Arcanine gave a huff, choosing to not think about how dangerously close to the cliff edge they were._

_A paw step forward and the two of them continued of their way._

_Another gust of wind made Blue’s stomach break into professional gymnastics; Janine would have been proud, he thinks, the irony setting bitterly on his tongue as he tries to maintain composure._

_His mind is numb, struggling to balance the countless thoughts racing through his mind. After all, he wouldn’t even be here if he had a choice._

_Two days prior, an over excited Gold had burst into his gym office, completely disregarding the rules of his gym, mind you, and exaggerated a tale about a “_ monster” _living on Mount Silver. After thoroughly scaring the few gym trainers he had and enduring Blue’s disbelief, the raven haired champion relented and described the complete and utter loss he was dealt at the mountain’s summit._

 _A trainer who spoke no words, able to end a match as quickly as it started. Able to completely wipe Gold’s unprepared team in a matter of minutes (according to said trainer who was still babbling inconsistently and interrupting Blue’s_ Very Important Gym Leader Business _), able to disappear into the wind and snow as if they were a ghost._

_Blue had known immediately who it was, and Blue had immediately made the incredibly stupid, terrible, horrible, no good idea to climb Mount Silver and finally give his idiot of a rival a piece of his mind._

_Though, now that he was halfway up with a fainted Pidgeot and an Arcanine who was beginning to shiver against his own skin, constantly looking upwards and trying not to think about how far away the ground was, he had to wonder..._

_... was this the right thing to do?_

_Blue had constantly been chided by those around him when he was still traveling Kanto that he needed to take a step back and slow down; he didn’t need to get what he wanted right away and could stand to learn a little patience. At the ripe age of 15, Blue liked to think he’d learned a thing or two about being patient, but apparently he had way more to learn from the way Arcanine was giving him a glare colder than the flurry around them._

_“Uh, it’s o-okay,” he muttered through clattering teeth, holding on tighter to Arcanine; the fire type gave a huff of annoyance and trudged on._

* * *

Leaf gave a low whistle as they emerged the first cave; Blue hadn’t realized just how long they’d been in there until he noticed the sun almost at its apex in the sky.

“We were in there for _two hours?_ ” he turned to Leaf, who just shrugged and resumed following the quickly diminishing path to the summit.

“Guess so,” she hummed, tossing a Pokéball before her and calling out a glum looking Slowbro. She pointed towards the way they were headed, and the Pokémon nodded, large arms swinging wildly to remove any shubbery or ferns in their path. “Slowbro here helps every time I come up to see Red, which isn’t a lot, but it’s enough times for him to know what to do.”

Blue felt a pang of guilt resonate in his chest; Leaf had been here, so close after all these years, while Blue had been halfway across the world harboring his emotions and throwing himself into his studies. He could have been here with her to see Red, and instead, he was so concerned about his own emotional well being to the point of neglecting those who really mattered most.

Blue muttered a silent apology to his lifelong companion, promising that, some day, they’d make up for all the lost time.

Blue cast a quick glance towards Slowbro, lazily fingering Pidgeot’s Pokéball at his belt; it had been a tempting idea to ride all the way to the top, but there was no telling what the ice would do given Pidgeot’s older stature, and Blue wasn’t willing to risk it.

As he followed Leaf up the ever continuing incline, he decided to focus on the beating of his heart and not the region diminishing behind them.

* * *

_“Oh good, look—“_

_Arcanine gave an excited puff at the light pouring in from somewhere up above. They’d been lost, stranded alone in this cave for what seemed like days, hidden away from the raging blizzard outside and instead locked with their minds to the point of insanity._

_Blue gestured towards what he hoped was an exit, holding on tight to Arcanine as she bounded up the stiff cave walls and towards the hollowed opening. Blue could smell the fresh air of outside as they drew nearer, could feel the warm sun on his skin..._

_He had to push his face into Arcanine’s scruff to avoid being blinded. When his eyes finally adjusted to the change in light, he was met with what was simultaneously the most gorgeous and terrifying scene he’d ever seen in his life._

_The world spread around him, a page dancing at his fingertips, and he was reading the story from a new vantage point from atop the summit. Mount Silver had seemed impossibly tall on the way up, and as Blue breathed in the thin air, his head went light and dizzy as he tried to maintain composure._

_It was so beautiful. He wanted to cry._

_He was terrrified. One wrong move and he was a dead man._

_He opted for burying his face back into Arcanine’s scruff, ignoring the way the snow crunched beneath her paws as she continued their climb. The fact that this wasnt even the top of the top, that they still had a (_ _admittedly short) distance to go, sickened Blue, and he found himself tugging on Arcanine’s fur to stop._

_Blue turned and fell into the snow face first, his legs trembling as he emptied the contents of his weak stomach into the white expanse before them._

_Arcanine took a step back, eyeing her trainer warily; Blue rarely ever let the scared inner child through, and to see him on the verge of losing it in one of the most dangerous places of Kanto was making her lose her own cool. She wagged her tail nervously, unsure if it was her trainer she was trying to comfort or herself._

_Blue sat on his knees, his mind reeling. How the hell had Gold even managed to make it up this far? How had Gold managed to keep it together? Screw it, Blue was heading back down, he couldn’t even handle Pidgeot flying above the ground—_

_A crunch made him freeze. It was quiet, not as loud as Arcanine’s footsteps, but it was a crunch nonetheless. Blue quickly turned his head upwards from his position on the ground, chest heaving and cheeks flushed in the cold air._

_Arcanine beside him perked up, her tail wagging a bit harder, her tongue lolling out in content._

_Blue had to squint, following her gaze up the snow covered incline, towards the figure gazing at him from Kanto’s throne._

_As crimson met gold, Blue felt his will fade away, succumbing to the quickly distorting world around him._

* * *

“Well, y’know... I would’ve expected this to go better.”

Blue glared at Leaf. At least Arcanine was content, puffing away while radiating heat like the furnace she was. He tched and turned his head to glare into the wind and snow; they weren’t even halfway to the top and they’d been stopped in their tracks by a pop up blizzard.

Blizzard’s aren’t supposed to pop up out of nowhere.

Now, situated in a cave with an unusually quiet Leaf, Pokéballs fidgeting on his belt, his heart was still hammering like it had been when they began their journey.

He just wasn’t sure if it was because of the storm, the height, or the fact that Red was just a day’s walk away.

“Hey. Blue. Look at me.”

Blue lifted his gaze, adrenaline rising when he saw the look of Leaf’s face.

She looked ready to cry.

“Leaf? What’s—“

“I’m sorry for making you come up the mountain.”

Blue blinked. Make him go up the mountain? What was she talking about?

“Leaf, I uh, really don’t understand—“

“Are you even happy that you’re going to see Red?” she blurted out, cheeks flushing as she realized her volume. Blue, in return, looked back towards the snow, ignoring the heat rising up his neck. “I mean, since we began this morning you just seem... you just don’t seem like you want to be here. So I’m sorry if I forced you into this, if you wanna head back you can—“

“Leaf, where is all this coming from?” Blue laughed airily, eyes darted between Leaf, Arcanine, and the storm. His leg twitched; the cave they sought refuge in reminded him all too much of Red’s little alcove at the tip of the world. “If it wasn’t something I wanted to do, I wouldn’t have come. I know that I seem... uninterested, but it’s just... I’m nervous.”

Leaf gave a snort, but it didn’t dispell the solemn tone in her voice. “Okay, stop lying to me, Blue—“

“I have a debilitating fear of heights, but I’m still here, aren’t I?”

The words rushed out of Blue’s mouth, and Leaf flushed further.

“R-Right... I keep forgetting. Sorry.”

Blue sighed. “It’s all right, Leaf. Trust me. I’m... actually happy that I’m doing this. Having you here just makes it... easier to deal with.” He rubbed the back of his head, thinking about what to say.

“Yeah, sorry. I just...” Leaf exhaled, her breaths coming out in delicate plumes; Blue locked on to them, distantly wondering when the storm would be over. “Well, maybe I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. I just... you literally have the biggest, _stupidest_ crush on Red, and we’re going to see him, but you just... you don’t seem happy at all. Like, you don’t even care why we’re doing this. You don’t even care...” her voice lowered, “about him.”

“Care?” Blue laughed, a bit too forcefully; he winced as Arcanine’s cold snout pressed against his cheek, a low whine in her mouth. He apologized with a hard scratch to the fluff on her neck. “R-Right, sorry girl... Leaf, I just— look, I know that I used to tout that whole ‘look at me, I’m Blue Oak’ spiel when I was like, a teenager okay, but... I’m not big on talking about myself. My real self.” he gulped; why was he having this conversation with Leaf, of all people, right now?

Regardless, it did feel good to talk about that for once.

Leaf’s eyes widened, her mouth forming a small “o.”

“... Sorry,” she apologized, a small smile gracing her lips, “I guess that’s why I’ve been so skeptical... I mean, I know you told me like, the last time you were here, and then when Daisy knew I knew, we started talking about it but it just seemed like— I don’t know. You didn’t shove it in everyone’s face like I expected...”

Blue snorted but nodded anyways, his mind reminiscing to when he first realized he was in love.

Now _that_ had been an experience.

“So then tell me, Blue, if you’re _so in love_ with Red like you claim,” Leaf began, leaning forward, elbows grazing her knees; her eyes formed a squint, an incredulous smile forming, cheeks flushing ever so slightly (was she cold? embarrassed? doing that thing girls do when they talk about relationships?). “What is it that makes you _so attracted to him?_ ”

Blue frowned, Leaf laughed.

“Come _on_ , Blue,” she teased, rolling her eyes. “It’s literally just us and Arcanine in this tiny cave on the mountain, think of it as like... girl talk.” She smiled even wider, throwing her head back in a laugh. “Oh my _god_ , Blue, you’re officially _one of the girls—_ “

Blue had stopped listening. The frown faded away, replaced by the stupidest, dopiest grin he could muster.

Leaf was right. It was just them, and he’d already been talking to her about how much he didn’t like talking about himself; guess that rule needed to be broken if he wanted to properly defend his ego.

He took in a breath, his mind spinning with every thought of Red he’d had since falling in love.

* * *

_“... ...”_

_Scarlet orbs stared lifelessly into Blue’s own, his skin heating against the cool rock underneath him. Distantly, the crackling of what he assumed was fire echoed in his ears... where even was he? He could barely think, his mind a hurricane of emotion and confusion as he tried to rationalize the situation to no avail._

_A brilliant white light. The dizzy spell the mountain cast upon him whenever he dared peek over the edge. The stench of vomit, reeking of acid between his palms as he laid his eyes on the one person he came to see._

_Then, swimming darkness... and those eyes._

_Blue’s mind shook with the grace of a gumball machine as he bolted upright onto his feet; his vision swam with the vertigo but all he could see was the boy who disappeared off the face of the earth._

_“You...” Blue’s voice was a low growl, his eyes struggling to focus on the rigid figure before him; that unfeeling gaze and blank expression exaggerated by news programs and gossip magazines so many years ago seeing right past Blus’s façade._

_“You...” Blue groaned again, subconsciously raising an arm behind his head. Red’s gaze flicked upwards, locking onto Blue’s fist. “You_ fucking idiot _!”_

_Blue roared in frustration, his hook connecting with Red’s face alongside a satisfying “whump.” Blue watched as Red’s face flew sideways, refusing to acknowledge the fist pressed against his cheek. The delicate, pale skin beneath Blue’s hand immediatey bloomed into a sea of greens and purples; a sick pang of triumph burst in Blue’s chest, quickly replaced by his unwavering anger._

_“All this time,” Blue huffed, lowering his fist to grab Red’s shirt. He pulled the smaller boy towards him, desperately searching those crimson orbs for any sign of regret or remorse. Instead, those eyes flicked back towards Blue, burning with an intensity Blue only expected to see in battle._

_Still, Blue trudged on, determined to make his stance known._

_“All this time, and you were up_ here _?” he howled, mouth twisted in an ugly grimace as flaming eyes bored holes into his own. “What, was winning the championship_ not enough _? Did you have to go out and ruin the lives of_ everyone who fucking cares about you _?”_

_Blue was angry. Upset. Confused. Hurt._

_Red’s eyes widened ever so slightly, his mouth twisting downwards at the corners. His brows furrowed, and Blue knew there was a retort on the tip of his rival’s tongue, a short, 5 word one liner, but when the boy before him opened his mouth to speak, nothing cane out._

_For a split moment, all hints of Blue’s anger ebbed, replaced by a tidal wave of shock. His hands lost their grip in Red’s shirt, and the smaller boy jolted backwards, back flush against the cave wall. Red’s hand flew to his mouth, wincing as the force reverberated against his bruised cheek. He turned his gaze away, unable to meet Blue’s gaze._

_“... No...” Blue whispered, his will steeling and his anger returning. “No!” He lunged forwards, hand reaching for Red’s arm. There was no way, how could Red have let himself slip this far—_

_Where was the rival Blue had once been hellbent on impressing?_

_Their eyes met, and Blue froze._

_Red had a full on frown on his face, holding a hand out in front of him. The bruise, still developing on his swollen flesh, framed the two fingers he had pressed together._

_The ghost of a snap hung in the air._

_It was then that Blue noticed it._

_What he had previously assumed to be some sort of makeshift campfire wavered; Blue’s eyes locked onto the vermillion flame as it rose into the air, illuminating the predatory face of a Charizard. Old and battle scarred, eyes whispering of the horrors faced atop the summit, wings flared in a show of dominance._

_Perched on its shoulder, ear twitching and cheeks alight with sparks, sat Red’s iconic Pikachu, brows furrowed and ready to defend its trainer when needed._

_Blue whipped his head around to look at Red. There was no hint of or humor in those scarlet eyes, only the fire of someone ready to finish what had been started._

_Blue scowled, jealousy rearing its ugly head, betrayal following suit. “You’d really sick your Pokémon on me, huh? Of fucking course you would. I always knew you—“_

_The sound of synthetic rubber scraping rock filled Blue’s head, and before he knew it Red’s fist had connected with the bottom of his jaw. He fell back against the rock floor, eyes bulging from his head with the need to fight, with the need to prove something, as Red descended upon him to deal another blow._

_If there was one thing Blue hadn’t realized, it was that Red was strong. He should’ve expected it, at least, as Red swiftly overpowered him; one doesn’t survive of the top of_ Mount fucking Silver _alone for 3 years and end up with the strength of a twig._

_As Blue’s arms swung wildly in an attempt to defend and offer some counter against his assailant, a bubble of thought floated lazily to the surface, popping without much fanfare._

_Gold met red, and the trumpets blared._

_Perhaps this was the culmination of something 3 years in the making. Blue’s anger and resentment and outright loathing for the one he used to call his rival eddied through his body, a vicious current threatening to sweep his feet out from under him._

_But as Blue met those eyes, those brilliant, cinnabar orbs, flashing with the same kind of anger and hatred that was currently swollen within, the waters stilled and all Blue had left was a morose sense of peace._

_For the first time in what felt like eons, Blue felt like someone else understood._

_He was heaving when Red finally relented, crashing onto the stiff rock next to him. The cave was filled with their labor breaths, their bodies bruised and beaten as they rested from their fight._

_Blue laid there, eyes staring at the ceiling, mapping every sharp line and jutting curve of the rock above them._

_It had been a rough start, but he was here. With Red. He tilted his head to look at the other trainer, amber eyes meeting dark hair. Blue’s mind was still swimming from the thin air as he reached out a hand, searching for Red’s in apology._

_He hadn’t known what he’d been looking for, but as Red’s calloused hand closed around his own, the answer stared him in the face, clear as day._

Red.

I’m sorry.

_What had once been lost, had now been found._

* * *

_Blue remembers the exact moment he knew he was in love with Red._

_No, not the moment he fell in love with Red— that had definitely happened years prior, probably before either of them received their first Pokémon._

_No, the moment Blue met Red’s gaze atop Mount Silver for the first time in years, before gracefully fainting into the snow due to low oxygen and his debilitating fear of heights, Blue’s delicate mind had convinced itself that he was in love with Red._

_The dream is still vivid in his memory, even years later. A complete fever dream brought on by his delirium after his woefully unprepared trek to the peak, Blue could still see it clear as day and the thought never failed to give him Beautiflies._

_A flash of crimson, and then those eyes. Those eyes that seemed to know so much while conveying so little, eyes that could carry on a complete conversation in silence, eyes that had, Blue just now realized, followed him alongside their trainer for the entire year of their Pokémon journey._

_For what seemed like an eternity, it had always been_ Red _._ Red _was the one who followed,_ Red _was the one who cared,_ Red _was the one who had tried to maintain a friendship, damn it all, even after humiliating Blue in front of the world the day of their championship match._

_Blue had never felt more hopeless than he had the day everything was stripped away from him, but that moment on top of Mount Silver came in as a close second._

_Even after Blue, aggravated and shouting at Red in front of his Pokémon, had thrown a fist at Red’s face, and then lost to him in a fight, Red had still found it in him to close his hand around Blue’s in a silent act of solidarity._

_Red still thought of them as_ friends _. Maybe, Blue thought, they always had been._

_Red had shown Blue a loyalty that no one else had, not even his own grandfather. Red had chosen to believe in Blue, to refuse any notion that there was nothing between them, had made Blue fall completely head over heels for him._

_Blue had dealt with cute girls. He’d dealt with doting fans, people screaming his name at his face in adoration, people he could easily keep an arm’s length away for the entirety of his life and never have a second concern over._

_Blue could not deal with the overwhelming surge of emotion that was_ Red, Red, Red, _as he swam around his subconscious on the top of Mount Silver, fingers entangled with his own._

_It was like the flood gates had opened; every negative thought, every embarrassing feeling, every bitter emotion he held towards Red since the day they got their first Pokémon came mashing together in inglorious symphony to create a rush of emotion so strong that it would literally knock Blue off of his feet._

_For the first time in his life that’s when he knew, when he really knew, that he was utterly, hopelessly_ fucked _._

* * *

God, the top of Mount Silver was just as bright as he remembered. Luckily, he also remembered to immediately turn around and keep his gaze trained on the rock face, ignoring Leaf’s squeals of joy and excitement as she took in the view.

“God, I will _never_ get tired of this view,” she breathed, moving back to where Blue stood. Her eyes flickered, a frown appearing on her face. “Oh. Uh, Blue, you okay?”

Blue nodded, ignoring the way his legs were shaking. He could taste the bile in the back of his throat, but he and Leaf were doing this for Red, god damnit, so his fear of heights could wait.

“Yeah, _peachy_ ,” he grimaced, inhaling and straightening his back.

The storm had ended early the day before, much to Blue’s delight, but unfortunately they wouldn’t have made it to the peak by nightfall. After a dreadfully unprepared makeshift camping spot, he and Leaf were as well rested as they could be.

Luckily, they’d managed to make it the rest of the way without much incident, and now, Blue and Leaf stood at the top of the world, the sun just beginning its descent into the afternoon.

“Okay,” he hummed, placing a hand on his belt to make sure his team was all there. “Let’s get going. We’ve still got a little ways to go before we make it to Red’s camp, if I remember... uh, you _did_ call him and tell him we were coming, right?”

Leaf nodded. “Yeah, I said I was coming up but uh— oops.”

“Leaf...”

She giggled, looking away. She trailed over to the edge of the cliff, and Blue silently cursed her for knowing his weakness. He couldn’t get back to her yet, he supposed.

“ _Weeell_ ,” she began, her voice fading the further she got, “I kinda called him and said I was coming a couple days ago... but since I wasn’t sure if you wanted to come I kinda left you out of the picture.” He could hear her shrugging in that dumb, nonchalant way she always did, “Think of it as a surprise! It’ll be adorable, c’mon.”

Leaf’s voice was suddenly too close for comfort, and a hand, ghost white in the cold, wrapped around Blue’s wrist before he could protest.

His head turned to follow his torso, his brain screaming _don’t look don’t look_ but it was too late.

His gaze made contact with the world of Kanto below them. From here, he could see as far as Celadon, lights and colors twinkling in the distance. Just to the south was Vermillion’s massive ports, and oh god he could even see the skyscrapers in Saffron and— was that the _Lavender Town Radio Station?_

Blue’s knees buckled, and he fell to the snow.

His heart was pounding, and this time, it wasn’t because of Red. _God_ , how he wished that had been the case.

_Too much. Too high. Get down. Have to get down—_

“Blue,” Leaf said quietly, releasing her grip. “Come on, we’re almost too the top. I’m sorry I grabbed your wrist. Here, I’ll—“

“Stop.” Blue exhaled, fisting the snow; he could get through this. He couldn’t let his fear of heights get to him.

_No, have to get down, too high, you’ll fall you’ll fall—_

Blue sucked in a breath. It hadn’t gotten this bad in a while, not since that time someone on a flight left the window open the entire time.

Hell, he didn’t even have Eevee with him; was he even going to survive this?

“Blue—“

The voice in his head was drowning out everything around him. The wind stopped, the trees froze, even the snow seemed dull as the world became blurred at the edges.

_Going to fall have to get down can’t survive won’t survive never be found going to fall have to get down down down down—_

“Blue!”

He raised his gaze, his mind, in its reverie, noticing how her voice had heightened in pitch and volume.

He saw Leaf, standing before him, gazing up the last bit of incline— the way to the top. Blue had to get up, the snow was soaking his pants, but his legs felt like jelly and he couldn’t move and—

A flash of crimson eyes, and all thoughts of the mountain and the dizzying height were silenced with a loud shout.

Blue now knew why Leaf had raised her voice.  
  


There, standing before them, meters away, stood a figure clad in red and white. Dirty jeans were stark against the snow in the light of the sun, and for once, Blue noticed that the idiot they’d climbed all this way to get to was wearing a jacket. A flash of yellow was the final telltale sign that they’d made it.

Blue’s panic was quickly replaced, his heart hammering as the nervousness set in. He felt hot, too hot, and woefully unprepared— but maybe that had been the whole trip.

Because, right there, standing before them, was Red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE OF THE GIRLS ONE OF THE GIRLS


End file.
